Parent’s Blog: Me, my partner and my personality disorder
I recently found someone who made me happy. I mean whole heartedly, head over heels, cringe worthy, happy and we’re good together- that is until my personality disorder joins the mix. Often my Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) feels like the third person in my relationship, like a really toxic unwanted third party. Now I know that all relationships have their moments but with my BDP I felt unable to communicate and just be present in my own relationship.
So I did what any millennial would do and googled “how to maintain a relationship with BPD'' however I didn't find quite what i was looking for. Instead of reassurance I found articles on how to overcome toxic relationships with people with borderline personality disorder amongst other horror stories and jokes about mental health, but what really got me was a statistic. It's funny really how just two numbers could send me spiralling. The statistic stated that most people with BPD cannot and do not maintain long term relationships, a bold statement from some unknown writer yet I projected onto this as my truth, as if it was some sort of confirmation of all my negative beliefs that I would never be happy. Looking back I may have been a little quick to hop on the dramatics especially when there are so many other blogs, articles and statistics that prove it is possible to have a personality disorder and live a full and happy life.
It’s almost two years later and I have surpassed that statistic.
How?
With a lot of work, communication and the right person I guess. I have learnt that it’s okay to wobble, no relationship is perfect mental illness or not. So my advice? Don't be too hard on yourself the more you fixate and stress the bigger the strain on the relationship. If you are ever in doubt just ask, try and communicate openly so you can get the reassurance you need, and if you are with the right person they will accept you; they may not always understand but they will be there no matter what.
There are many different routes to access mental wellbeing support:
Live chat - Talk to us on CYPMHS live 9am-9pm Monday - Friday.
Text a school nurse - for friendly, helpful advice. This service is designed for 11-19 year olds: 07507 329 600 Monday to Friday, 9am to 4pm
Phone - the consultation line for parents, carers, young people and professionals is available 9am to 9pm, Monday to Friday on call 0800 170 7055.
If you are in a crisis, at risk of self-harm or suicide – the CYPMHS crisis team is open 24/7 and can be accessed by calling 0800 170 7055.
Or:
- Text Shout to 85258 at any time day or night. You can find out more by accessing the Give a Shout website here.
- If your life is at imminent risk, call 999 for emergency help.
You can ring our Mental Health Number on 0800 448 0828 - Lines available 24 hours a day, seven days a week